Get your skiis shined up
Grab a stick of Juicy Fruit
The taste is gonna move ya
First off, why are you only targeting skiers, Juicy Fruit? A recent report by SnowSports Industries America shows that only 6.9% of the U.S. population participates snowsport activities. That means you're ignoring 93% of Americans, duh. And that number is even worse when you subtract the snowshoers. Real freaking smart.
Take a sniff
Pull it out
The taste is gonna move you when you pop it in your mouth
Whoa. Are we still talking about chewing gum here? Won't somebody think of the children?!
Juicy Fruit is gonna move ya
It chews so soft, it gets right to ya
Here we encounter the second "move ya" of this anthem (see above). Is that a reference to my bowel movements? The FDA has not approved this product as a laxative. I checked. Or perhaps they're suggesting that my soul will be set in motion by a stick of chewing gum? Fortunately I kept the receipts from my Yogi and will be demanding a refund immediately. Chews so soft? Well I should certainly hope so. But that "gets right to ya" part resurfaces concerns about my bowel movements, you weirdos.
Juicy Fruit
The taste, the taste, the taste is gonna move ya
Clearly being paid by the word. Props for fitting the product name into the jingle three times in a 63-word ditty, despite the obvious repetition here. This is the kind of efficiency that landed the gig in the first place. Whatever. Thirty years later, this dude gets a $3.19 royalty check in the mail EVERY SINGLE WEEK. Who's laughing now?
