I told my suitcases that we weren’t vacationing this year. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.
And now, terrible jokes
- Thread starter Raising Heel
- Start date
A kid walks into his parents room and sees dad on top of mom humping away. “It’s okay it’s okay we’re just having some fun go watch some tv” dad tells the kid. When dad is through he walks down the hall and hears a commotion in the kids room. He opens the door and sees the kid humping away on grandma. “Oh my god what the hell!” He yells. “It’s not so okay when it’s your mom huh?” The kid says
Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
My grief counselor died. He was so good I don’t even care.
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad?
Stab it 23 times.
Stab it 23 times.
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
Man’s wife goes into a coma
Doc says “you can wake her up but it’s a little unconventional, you go have oral sex with her”
Man goes into her room then comes back 5 min later
“Doc she keeps choking”
Doc says “you can wake her up but it’s a little unconventional, you go have oral sex with her”
Man goes into her room then comes back 5 min later
“Doc she keeps choking”
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?" "I'm a butcher," he says.
My grandfather died the other day because we didn't know his blood type. He didn't want us to be sad about it, because he kept saying be positive.
There’s a thing now with putting people’s faces on video game covers to prank them and it’s the funniest shyt ever
www.tiktok.com
king of duet 🦅🦅💙❤💛 on TikTok
she's definitely not taken it likely with the prankster🙆♂️🤣#timi_bros #timi_boss4
I might be divorcing my wife because she's just a terrible woman. I told her our neighbor died and she said 'who, Ray?'. I don't think that's anything to cheer about.
Where do bad rainbows go?
Prism. But it’s a light sentence. Gives them time to reflect.
Prism. But it’s a light sentence. Gives them time to reflect.
I hired a handyman and gave him a list of items to take care of. When I got back home, he had only done items 1, 3, and 5.
Turns out he only does odd jobs.
Turns out he only does odd jobs.
I offered the old lady next door twenty bucks to use her stairlift.
I think she's going to take me up on it.
I think she's going to take me up on it.
I had an appointment with a psychic. But she called and said I wouldn't be able to make it.
Why does a Roman emperor's wife hate playing hide and seek?
Because wherever she goes Julius Caesar.
Because wherever she goes Julius Caesar.
I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day
place was crawling with pu$$y
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