I just came across this on a girlfriend's facebook page and this sums up what women have to deal with allllll the damn time...... Heterosexual men cause a lot of these problems that you "fear" will happen to your daughters, wives, sisters, nieces, etc. I will paste it below. I did not write this myself but she really covers everything that I and women I know have personally been having to deal with for all of our lives and I am 51...mine really started at age 5. Before you all jump all over me and tell me this is BS or wrong.... sit back, think about it carefully. Even if you personally have not done these specific things, you have surely witnessed other guys doing it. If you have ever used a woman in any way, you are this guy.... if you have looked at a woman in JUST a sexual way, you are this guy and THIS guy does the same thing to your wives, daughters, mothers, nieces, sisters EVERY day. It is not a secret on here already that I am done with men from the abuse and deception I have personally had to deal with. I've been used for "money" and used all the time for sex. I'm too tired to even try to trust another person again but I do love men as friends and was so very good to the ones I allowed in my life but they all took advantage in some way... this happens to so many women these days especially the younger girls (your daughters)... they will be coming up in generations where dating someone will depend on how good they look on a smart phone and hoping someone will just swipe in the right direction and maybe talk to them. If they are lucky the guy may actually think she is great and has a wonderful soul... yes, women are just as bad too, I get it... I've done it myself in the last few years because I have given up... well maybe this will open your eyes just a tiny bit as to what women feel like. I do think you guys are awesome to pick around with on this board and do not mean to sound so bitter towards men but it's a sad fact, we are getting tired of the way we are objectified... we just want you to look at our souls and really see who we ARE, not look at only our breasts or if we have perfect bodies or not and for those of us that don't have perfect everything, we are still great women. sorry, this just really touched me when I read it and hit a nerve..... ~peace~
Dear creepy heterosexual men guarding our bathrooms,
My entire life, I've been told to fear you in one way or another. I've been told to cover my body as to not distract you in school, to cover my body to help avoid unwanted advances or comments, to cover my body as to not tempt you to sexually assault me, to reject your unwanted advances politely as to not anger you, or accept them with a smile to keep myself safe from your temper. I've been taught to never walk alone at night, to hold my keys in my fist while walking in parking lots, to check the backseat of my car, to not drink too much because you might take advantage of me. I've been told what I should and shouldn't do with my body as to not jeopardize my relationships with you. I've been told a relationship with you should be my goal in life, and that I should sacrifice my personality, goals, and dreams to obtain and keep a man in my life, but I should never diminish what you want in life, because you are the man.
I've been warned not to emasculate you, to let "boys be boys", to protect your fragile ego and to not tread on your even more fragile masculinity. I've been taught to keep my emotions in check, to let you be the unit of measure for how much emotion is appropriate and to adjust my emotions accordingly. I have been taught to expect questions about my menstrual cycle as a reason for my emotions, because that's obviously why women are emotional. I've been taught that you're allowed to categorize women into mothers/sisters/girlfriends/wives/daughters but any woman outside of your protected categories is fair game.
So to those of you who think you're being helpful by "protecting" me and my fellow women, you're like a shark sitting in the lifeguard chair. I wasn't uncomfortable until you showed up at the pool and the only potential predator I see is you. You cannot be both the symptom and the cure, it doesn't work that way.
Your mothers, sisters, girlfriends, wives and daughters don't need you to walk them to the bathroom for safety. Your fathers, brothers, friends and sons need to walk themselves away from their own double standards. Women are sexually harassed and sexually assaulted on school campuses, on the street, at their jobs, on the Internet, in their own homes, in ANY public place. And it has been excused or ignored for so long because of what you and I are taught from the first years of our interactions with each other: You, as a male, are not accountable for your own actions. It's MY responsibility, as a female, to not "provoke" you. But then you get to Knight-In-Shining-Armor your way through life for those in your protected categories and I am expected to applaud you. Why the outrage now over bathrooms? Why aren't you outraged every single day? Why aren't you fighting as hard on college campuses as you are in Target?
If you're telling me that there are high volumes of boys and men out there, in schools or in general, who are just waiting for a "loop hole" to sexually assault girls and women, we have bigger problems on our hands than bathrooms. The first problem would be your apparent lack of knowledge of how often it happens OUTSIDE of bathrooms, with no "loop holes" needed. This isn't about Transgender bathroom access. This is about you not trusting the boys and men in your communities and/or fearing that they're all secretly predators. Why do you have this fear? How many fathers have panicked when their daughters started dating because they "know how teenaged boys can be because they used to be one"? How many times have girls been warned "boys are only after one thing"? A mother can bring her young son into the women's restroom and that's fine but a father bringing his young daughter into the men's restroom is disturbing because men are assumed to be predators and "little girls" shouldn't be exposed to that.
So instead of picking up your sword and heading to Target or the girls' locker room to defend our "rights", why don't you start somewhere that could actually make a difference? Challenge your children's schools to end sexist dress codes and dress codes that sexualize girls as young as age 5. Advocate for proper (or any) sex education classes in all public schools by a certain grade level. Focus more on teaching your sons not to rape vs teaching your daughters how to avoid being raped. Stop asking "How would you feel if that was your mother or sister?" It shouldn't take the comparison to clue you in to what's right or wrong. Question why you're more worried about your daughter being around men than your son being around women in bathrooms and dressing rooms. Stop walking by Victoria's Secret with no problem but covering your son's eyes if a woman is breastfeeding in public. Stop treating your daughter's body as some fortress you're sworn to protect as if that's all she's got to offer the world.
Dear creepy heterosexual men guarding our bathrooms,
My entire life, I've been told to fear you in one way or another. I've been told to cover my body as to not distract you in school, to cover my body to help avoid unwanted advances or comments, to cover my body as to not tempt you to sexually assault me, to reject your unwanted advances politely as to not anger you, or accept them with a smile to keep myself safe from your temper. I've been taught to never walk alone at night, to hold my keys in my fist while walking in parking lots, to check the backseat of my car, to not drink too much because you might take advantage of me. I've been told what I should and shouldn't do with my body as to not jeopardize my relationships with you. I've been told a relationship with you should be my goal in life, and that I should sacrifice my personality, goals, and dreams to obtain and keep a man in my life, but I should never diminish what you want in life, because you are the man.
I've been warned not to emasculate you, to let "boys be boys", to protect your fragile ego and to not tread on your even more fragile masculinity. I've been taught to keep my emotions in check, to let you be the unit of measure for how much emotion is appropriate and to adjust my emotions accordingly. I have been taught to expect questions about my menstrual cycle as a reason for my emotions, because that's obviously why women are emotional. I've been taught that you're allowed to categorize women into mothers/sisters/girlfriends/wives/daughters but any woman outside of your protected categories is fair game.
So to those of you who think you're being helpful by "protecting" me and my fellow women, you're like a shark sitting in the lifeguard chair. I wasn't uncomfortable until you showed up at the pool and the only potential predator I see is you. You cannot be both the symptom and the cure, it doesn't work that way.
Your mothers, sisters, girlfriends, wives and daughters don't need you to walk them to the bathroom for safety. Your fathers, brothers, friends and sons need to walk themselves away from their own double standards. Women are sexually harassed and sexually assaulted on school campuses, on the street, at their jobs, on the Internet, in their own homes, in ANY public place. And it has been excused or ignored for so long because of what you and I are taught from the first years of our interactions with each other: You, as a male, are not accountable for your own actions. It's MY responsibility, as a female, to not "provoke" you. But then you get to Knight-In-Shining-Armor your way through life for those in your protected categories and I am expected to applaud you. Why the outrage now over bathrooms? Why aren't you outraged every single day? Why aren't you fighting as hard on college campuses as you are in Target?
If you're telling me that there are high volumes of boys and men out there, in schools or in general, who are just waiting for a "loop hole" to sexually assault girls and women, we have bigger problems on our hands than bathrooms. The first problem would be your apparent lack of knowledge of how often it happens OUTSIDE of bathrooms, with no "loop holes" needed. This isn't about Transgender bathroom access. This is about you not trusting the boys and men in your communities and/or fearing that they're all secretly predators. Why do you have this fear? How many fathers have panicked when their daughters started dating because they "know how teenaged boys can be because they used to be one"? How many times have girls been warned "boys are only after one thing"? A mother can bring her young son into the women's restroom and that's fine but a father bringing his young daughter into the men's restroom is disturbing because men are assumed to be predators and "little girls" shouldn't be exposed to that.
So instead of picking up your sword and heading to Target or the girls' locker room to defend our "rights", why don't you start somewhere that could actually make a difference? Challenge your children's schools to end sexist dress codes and dress codes that sexualize girls as young as age 5. Advocate for proper (or any) sex education classes in all public schools by a certain grade level. Focus more on teaching your sons not to rape vs teaching your daughters how to avoid being raped. Stop asking "How would you feel if that was your mother or sister?" It shouldn't take the comparison to clue you in to what's right or wrong. Question why you're more worried about your daughter being around men than your son being around women in bathrooms and dressing rooms. Stop walking by Victoria's Secret with no problem but covering your son's eyes if a woman is breastfeeding in public. Stop treating your daughter's body as some fortress you're sworn to protect as if that's all she's got to offer the world.
