I’m older than most y’all so I’ve accumulated lots of wisdom when it comes to holiday eating whether it’s family or friend gatherings
1. If anyone puts carrots out or a veggie tray in general just punch them in the face. Ain’t nobody got time for that bull shyt. Olives are acceptable
2. Ask if there’s skim milk in the mashed potatoes. If there is just pass. It’s like a sports car with automatic transmission. The room in your stomache is too precious to waste on anything not fully caloried.
3. Lots of gravy. Gravy on everything. Make a fukin gravy volcano. The whole plate should be afloat in gravy
4. Don’t know which pie to eat? Eat them all. A piece of each. What other day of the year will you have multiple pie choices? If you’re not crazy about one just add lots of cool whip. Follow gravy instructions when applying.
5. No one gaf if it’s dressing or stuffing. Just eat it and know noones is as good as your moms. Don’t forget the gravy
6. Don’t snack before going somewhere for the meal in an effort to not eat as much. This is blasphemy.
7. Fruitcake? Don’t fall for it. Chances are it’s been regifted the last few decades
8. No exercise between tksgiving and christmas. Don’t even try. It’s hopeless. Walking to make room for more food is acceptable.
1. If anyone puts carrots out or a veggie tray in general just punch them in the face. Ain’t nobody got time for that bull shyt. Olives are acceptable
2. Ask if there’s skim milk in the mashed potatoes. If there is just pass. It’s like a sports car with automatic transmission. The room in your stomache is too precious to waste on anything not fully caloried.
3. Lots of gravy. Gravy on everything. Make a fukin gravy volcano. The whole plate should be afloat in gravy
4. Don’t know which pie to eat? Eat them all. A piece of each. What other day of the year will you have multiple pie choices? If you’re not crazy about one just add lots of cool whip. Follow gravy instructions when applying.
5. No one gaf if it’s dressing or stuffing. Just eat it and know noones is as good as your moms. Don’t forget the gravy
6. Don’t snack before going somewhere for the meal in an effort to not eat as much. This is blasphemy.
7. Fruitcake? Don’t fall for it. Chances are it’s been regifted the last few decades
8. No exercise between tksgiving and christmas. Don’t even try. It’s hopeless. Walking to make room for more food is acceptable.